I think by now, most of my friends, family and respected colleagues know about my hatred of the sheep and why I despise them so. But that does not necessarily mean that they are taking action! Why are they not??? Gah! I don’t like this one bit! They should be joining forces with me against the evil ovine creatures, not giggling at each other like it’s some inside joke! It’s not an inside joke, folks! If I wanted it to be an inside joke or some other laughing matter I would have told very few people, not everyone I know. Come on! Egad! Are you people insane? If I had been told about the evils of sheep by a friend of mine then I would have allied with him/her and created a massive army in order to rid the world of EVIL! So why aren’t ya?? Whhhhhhyyyyyyyyy?
Moo in a Box II February 3, 2008
As we have already established that A Moo-in-a-Box is everything in the world that is good and spiffy in a box, and that I solely have the ability to produce it in large quantity, I wish to announce that the black market will probably start selling it soon.
Why does the black market want these things? Well, I have told the secret operators of the underground operations to fight off the sheep with them. As usual, they nodded with blank faces and walked away, though I did hear someone mutter, “hazy”…or something to that effect. I do wonder why. What does haze have anything to do with sheep? Unless they plan to haze the sheep. Good for them.
Tee Hee! October 14, 2007
In this joint publication of insanity, I have decided finally to start writing about my actual action against the sheep.
Like today, when I ran into one. Yes, sheep are quite easy to spot in this urban island. I threw my arms in the air and screamed. Then I attacked it with umbrella. And I stabbed at the sheepy fluff as I used my umbrella as a foil. The sheep limped away, yelling that it would be back while I smiled triumphantly. I knew I was the victor of the battle. So did everyone else apparently, for as I walked down the street, people made passage for me, parting quite like the red sea. They looked at me in awe and wonder, and some tried not to make eye-contact (the poor things may have thought I was too heroic to look upon with mortal eyes, or some such twaddle). Then some guys in white jackets showed up and told me how great I was, and I told them about how I fought away the sheep, and they said, yeah, yeah you did. Now let’s give you some candy. And I said, I don’t want any candy, so go away, Men in uniform! And I ran and tripped and now I’m typing with my hands tied behind my back as some twit feeds me jello.
They’ll never learn the troglodytes. I’ll just break out again.
Moo in a Box June 4, 2007
Let us start by saying that Moo=infinity.
No, not that thing the Greeks thought up. Although in a sense they were right. They just didn’t write it down correctly.
Moo. As in the omnipotent onomotopoeia. It is the ambrosia. The nectar of the gods. The food and drink of the gods. The television set of the gods. Moo is everything in the world. It is like infinity in a single syllable.
And now, it is in a box.
I like boxes, mainly because I like squares. Moo in a box is like having the nectar of the gods, the food and…..you get it, all in one box.
How much would you buy it for?
Night of the Rabid Dust Particles March 9, 2007
They came one winter night. Quite like this March night.
Actually, it was exactly like this March night. It happened today.
That’s right, the rabid dust particles attacked me.
No joke.
I remarked on how fluffy and fuzzy they seemed. Like sheep.
I think that was the signal.
They melded as one and formed one giant dust sheep.
And attacked.
I barely got the broom in time.
Hmm, Yummy Purple Man March 8, 2007
I saw a yummy looking purple colored man.
Really, I did.
I’m not lying.
So what if it was a picture of Adam Lazzara covered in Welsh Grape Juice.
He’s yummy.
He was purple.
He is a man.
Adam fanatic I am.
A sheep story March 8, 2007
It is not just us who believe in the sheep now. We have gotten others to believe. But then there are some who learned firsthand.
Our dear friends, whose names are similar to Sickle and Mall (that’s what we’ll call them…though I’m not sure they want to be called weapons or shopping centers), went to visit the sheep one morning when they were attacked. They ran, as much as they could, over a wall that blocked the evil army of sheep. They looked over and saw the great enormity that is the wall of sheep. They managed to make it back safely but only barely.
They have now been warned about the status of the sheep. I hope they heed the warnings and eat as many marshmallows as they can.
Besides Peeps are in season.
Triangles Have Four Sides March 6, 2007
We are stupid. Unbelievably and irrevocably so.
What do I mean by we?
Americans, of course. I mean, who else would I be talking about. Only one nation in the world would think that there were three world wars.
Yes, that is what I said, three.
You’re right, it does sound like a scene straight out of a song. Remember that one by Nena. You know, the one where the general starts WW3 over balloons mistaken as bombs. It’s called 99 Luft Balloons.
Anyways, I was thinking of leaving the country. After I get out of school of course, but soon because I don’t want to be HERE when WW3 does breakout. Which it will.
How do I know this?
Winky told me. One of his many attributes is ESP. Funny thing for a homicidal maniac to have. Not only does he kill people,but he’ll also know if someone is about to arrest him and he can he eliminate them before they pose as a threat. At the moment, though, he’s working on a way to kill the ‘Person Whom Everyone Would Love To Kill’. His plan so far involves a tub of hat wax and some rusty spoons. Gotta Love them rusty spoons.
So, Winky tells me that the WW3 will be started by America against Germany (because we haven’t beaten them enough). Our reasoning: they are part of the legion of terror.
Huh, I didn’t know Germany was in the Middle East. I mean what was I thinking when I said it was part of Europe. Of course it’s a part of Asia. I mean it’s located right next to Australia. Right where I thought North and South Korea were located. I really must learn my geography.
Then, when everyone decides that they’ve had enough of our attacking random countries, they form an allegiance and wipe America off the face of the Earth.
I wonder if anyone will miss it.
How to fake bleating. February 19, 2007
Meh.
This is the key to becoming the greatest undercover sheep in the history of the world. Woo.
First you can practice the basic “Ba-a-ah!”. Practice this at least five times a day. Preferably in public in front of thousands of people. If you go to a teacher, if you happen to be a student, and ask for their opinion, you will be able to further your development in the all-powerful, sinister, pure E-VIL bleat. And soon, after practicing everyday, with or without a mirror, you will master the bleat. Now it is time to go undercover.
Warning: The bleat is a powerful thing, those weak of heart and mind may soon succumb to it’s overpowering evil force. Do not use this if you think you will go to the sheep after hearing the evil force. If you feel at any point that you are becoming overly fond of wool, and that marshmallows are no longer tasty, stop bleating immediately and consult the nearest sheep-doctor/psycho-chiatrist.
Moo! February 19, 2007
Kohaku-chan! What’re you doing here? Are you here to join us in our cause of defeating the sheep too?
